(In Honor of My Ginormous Star Wars Mug which contains around 2.5 cups off coffee)
How do you handle those tough, tough cases of pastoral care? Learn from Pastor Vader proper pastoral care!
Member 1: Pastor Vader, I'm not sure what to do. I have some coworkers who have been giving me a hard time. How do I handle them?
Pastor Vader: If you will not fight, then you will meet your destiny.
Member 1: I don't want to fight - I don't want to hurt them. They've hurt me, I'm upset and angry, and I don't know what to do.
Pastor Vader: Now, release your anger. Only your hatred can destroy them.
Member 1: What? No, no, I don't want to destroy them. I just want to know how I should handle, them or approach them.
Pastor Vader: Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them.
Member 1: No, it's not about fixing them - it's about how I can be more caring to them, in spite of their mistreatment of me.
Pastor Vader: You are unwise to lower your defenses!
Member 1: Um, okay. I think I'll just go and work this through myself.
Pastor Vader: No, leave them to me. I will deal with them myself.
+ + + + + + + + +
Member 2: Pastor Vader, my wife and I have been considering using contraception.
Vader: I find your lack of faith disturbing.
M2: Well, it's not faith, I know God will care for us, but it's really me just wondering how I should do my duty - I am the head of the household, I have responsibilities to plan and care for my wife and children. That's the vocation God has given me as husband and father. Don't matters like this ultimately fall upon me?
Vader: No. I am your father.
M2: Um, okay. Well, I just want to know if there is any time in which we might use contraceptives.
Vader: Obi-wan once thought as you do.
M2: Well, yes, I know many people think it is allowable and some don't. I'm interested in good, scriptural study about parenting and headship and children and the will of man as regards children.
M2: I'm guessing from your response that you think all use of contraception is wrong. I just don't see that in the Scriptures.
Vader: You should not have come back!
M2: I'm just saying that I think you might not really be using Scripture there...
Vader: You are part of the rebel alliance and a traitor! Take him away!
+ + + + + + + + + + +
Remember, as Archbishop Tarkin says, "Fear will keep them in line."
Join us, or die.
(Note: Initially I had "Now strike them down with all of your hatred" but that is an Emperor line. This has been corrected)
+ + + + + + + + + + +
(Mike Baker - who is sort of like the Irvin Kurschner of this whole thing, has written the fitting and appropriate prequel. It follows here)
Let's not forget Pastor Vader when his friend and mentor noticed these problems and try to correct him:
Friend: "I am concerned because you are not acting like a pastor anymore. You seem confused and and under the... influence of foreign teachings."
Vader: "What?! How can you do this? This is outrageous, it's unfair... How can you be on the Council and not be a Master?"
Friend: "...um, it's not about being the Master of anyone. You are a teacher and helper to these people. It's not about control and domination... but love and sacrifice."
Vader: "I have brought peace, freedom, justice, and security to my new empire!"
Obi-wan: "Uh... wow... that sounds like pietism."
Vader: "Don't lecture me, Obi-Wan. I see through the lies of the Jedi. I do not fear the dark side, as you do."
Obi-wan: "You should fear it. Remember our Sem professor? He told you specifically that this road ends in suffer suffering."
Vader: "If you're not with me, then you're my enemy!"
Obi-wan: "...maybe there are some grey areas here. Sometimes black and white thinking creates a false dichotomy that does not help you reach the truth."
Vader: "Don't make me kill you!"