Dear President Harrison (and also whoever might get elected next),
I am writing this open letter because I am mad, angry, and annoyed. As I am mad, I want changes. As I am angry, I want other people to suffer (both humiliation and possibly fiscally). As I am annoyed, I plan to annoy you until you are willing to use your power to bend to my will, regardless of the validity of my complaint.
Speaking of said complaint - the people who are on the opposite side of the political spectrum were stupid. Rather than just letting them be stupid, and pointing out the stupidity so as to help convince people to not be stupid, I am seeking to use their stupidity as an occasion whereby drum them out of their position, prestige, and possibly even the synod (if I can get enough other people to sign this letter). They are "the bad people" and I am the "good" people, so listen to me.
Of course, I've talked to these charlatans about this - granted it was several years ago and I wasn't paying attention to them because, well, duh, they are stupid and evil and shouldn't even have been at that convention because they shouldn't even be in our church body anymore. How am I supposed to pay attention to someone who isn't even supposed to be there.
However, they keep writing letters. Big, pompous letters. Letters that they expect you to listen to (when we know that you really only listen to my letters). Therefore, I demand that you expel anyone who has signed any letter calling for any action, because we just have too many of these letters.
If you do not remove all people who have signed a letter in the past 2 years, I will be very upset. My feelings will be hurt. I may very well cancel my subscription to Portals of Prayer. We should not be forced to listen to the constant harpings of the 14% in this Synod who just aren't happy with each other because they are forced to be around each other in the same room.
Please fix this soon.
Signed - well, I'm not going to sign it, because then I would be all mad that you didn't kick me out too!